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No Do-overs...

Do you ever look back at your life and I wish that you could have a do over? Sometimes I must admit that I do. Things always look different in hindsight because by the time you’ve lived through them, you have more information than you did at the beginning of your journey.

I think back to how difficult certain subjects were for me in school and yet now I breeze through the concepts because I’ve used them. Not all teachers can teach every student and reach them; but I can’t always blame the teachers for my not having gleaned the knowledge I needed. The truth is I wasn’t focused or trying very hard way back then. Now my commitment level is much stronger.

I was much thinner before I turned 30; people used to tease me that one day I would gain weight. I used to eat ice cream and drink milkshakes and load up on sweets and couldn’t seem to hit 100 pounds if I tried. I would like to live those days again! However, being so underweight caused some other health concerns that I no longer have to worry about, so I guess it all balanced out.

I remember certain people that were so important in my life many years ago and I wonder where have they gone? For years it seemed as if we were inseparable and yet now we just don’t have anything in common. People do outgrow one another and their relationships. Somehow we never imagine that happening when we are in the midst of them. Each relationship serves its purpose for the season you’re in; some seasons last longer than others.

There are a lot of things that I’ve lived through that I remember fondly but I don’t want to go back and relive most of them. It’s nice to have memories but we were made to have new experiences. That’s what I’m doing now, creating new experiences daily.

I had some great times in my life here and there sprinkled throughout the bad ones. However, the truth is I wouldn’t really want to live them over because I realize that if I’d done anything differently, I wouldn’t be where I am today. If I had finished my degree years ago when I first started it, I never would’ve met my husband. I would’ve been living someplace entirely different and I can’t imagine my life without him.

I went to school with some wonderful people and made great connections way back then, but I did the same thing when I returned to school eight years ago. I wasn’t ready for success or for a career just because I thought I was; I’m ready now. Some of the lessons that I learned were more painful than others but they each taught me things that I needed to know to reach this point in my life.

I’m where I’m supposed to be although I’m not always comfortable. Nothing ever grows in a comfort zone, however; so sometimes pain is a necessary teacher. I wouldn’t want to be 16 again for all the money in the world or 21 or 30. I have gained a certain amount of wisdom that only comes with the passage of time. Wisdom truly is one of the most valuable things that we can possess and we can never have too much.

It’s perfectly all right to look back and miss certain things but learn to appreciate where you are today because it won’t last long. The dawn of a new day will arrive before you’re ready for it, bringing with it lessons of its own that you will carry into your future. Look back fondly, but look ahead expectantly, and live today joyously.

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