“I cannot give you the formula for success; but I can give you the formula for failure. It is this: Try to please everyone.” ~ Author Unknown
Can you relate? If you’ve ever been a people pleaser, this should really resonate with your spirit. You can please some of the people some of the time, and none of the people none of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time. It is impossible and you will lose yourself in the process of trying.
There comes a time in life when we must give ourselves permission to matter. When we must tell ourselves that we are enough and if we are pleased, we have done our best. I am not advocated absolute selfishness by any means. We should care about other’s feelings to the point where we are not being mean and thoughtless. However, we must recognize that our own feelings matter as well. Sacrificing ourselves to please those around us will only lead to deep-rooted bitterness and unexpressed anger. We will become invisible to those around us and wonder why we don’t seem to matter to those we say we love. When we give up our power and train people to treat us badly, they will!
We can take our power back and retrain people to treat us with the respect we deserve. It won’t happen overnight, but they will learn in time. Setting boundaries isn’t easy for us or those we’ve trained previously. We must be firm and only set boundaries we are prepared to enforce. Remember, “No” is a complete sentence! You don’t have to justify or explain your “No.” Start by practicing with people you feel safe with and by saying “No” to things that aren’t necessarily important, so you can build up some confidence. This way, by the time you need to say it to someone you are as confident with, and over a more important matter, you’ll feel more secure.
Boundaries are necessary for life. Think of speed limits, fences (which make good neighbors!), time…Learn to please yourself and take no prisoners. You can do this!