Often, when we love someone, we love who they are when we meet them, but we also have an image on our minds of all that they might become one day in the future. It’s that future image that we get excited about and we set our sights on “helping” them to fulfill our vision of who they should be.
We seldom take into account what their vision for themselves might be. We hardly ever ask...We set them up for failure and ourselves up for disappointment. As a consequence, our relationships often fall by the wayside and we act surprised.
When you love someone, you have to love them just as they are. If they never grow beyond where you find them, you have to be able to say that you can be content and that who they are is enough. We’re always looking ahead and wanting to forecast change. That’s fine when working with children; it doesn’t work as well with full grown adults.
The next time you meet someone and contemplate a relationship, make sure you can accept them just as they are without feeling a need to change them. If they express goals and a desire to change, let it be at their own pace. They’re probably looking for a life partner and friend, not a managing director. Ask yourself how you would feel if someone was trying to recreate you into their vision of what you should be instead of who you already were. Food for thought.