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Find a Partner, Not a Project


I’ve been talking to a lot of women lately who have felt rejected because the men in their lives have not lived up to their expectations and they’ve taken it personally. Sometimes I feel like Cher in the movie Moonstruck and I just wanna slap them across the face and say, “Snap out of it”, but that wouldn’t be very Christlike, would it?

Believe me, I’ve been there a time or to and I had to learn the hard way that you can’t love somebody into changing. People have to want to change and take the steps all on their own. It’s like having children; you can’t will a baby to walk before they’re ready to take that first step and master the balancing act. That’s a developmental step that happens as part of the growing up process. Some people just have “failure to launch” and they don’t grow up.

Women have a tendency to take on projects and see potential that doesn’t exist except in their minds. We think everybody wants the same goals that we do and that’s not true. Some people are very happy sitting in their own pile of poop and having us serve them. We think everyone should want to stand on their own two feet and not everyone does. That’s a hard truth for us to accept.

Stop living your life as if you were running a nonprofit rehabilitation center and just taking in every Thomas, Rashad, and Harrison with no qualification standards. You can’t afford to. You have to have a mission and vision statement for your life. You have to make yourself the top priority when it comes to service; if you don’t, your own needs will never get met and you’ll have nothing to offer anyone later.

Look for partner material, not project material. When God made Eve for Adam, her purpose was to be a helpmate, not a deterrent to his calling. She was designed to do the things that he couldn’t do in order to free him up to excel at those things he was already good at and to be a companion to him. You might consider looking for similar qualifications, only make sure he knows the Word and won’t go off on his own interpretation. We’ve fallen far enough, don’t you think?

Single sisters, I’m praying you clarity and revelation knowledge as you seek a life partner. It’s better to wait long than to choose wrong. Work on you during this season of singleness and enjoy your quality time alone with God. No One will ever love you more than He does or have better plans for your life.


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© 2015 by Higher Level Life Coaching & Soul Care, LLC.

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